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[06 Aug 2010|12:21am] |
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I hate men.
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[15 Jul 2010|04:32pm] |
I had lunch a 'friend' today and she spent the entire hour subtly reminding me that she has more money than I do. She probably keeps most of it in her hair, which is massive and just absolutely ridiculous looking. She's the most irritating woman I know, so I don't know why I agreed to meet her when she called me last night. When she got up to go to the washroom, I poured the contents of the salt and pepper shakers on her pasta and mixed it in. She knew what I had done when she came back and tasted her meal, but the poor dear couldn't find the courage to bring it up. Because I scare her.
She didn't need the carbs, so really, I was doing her a favor. She has gained an impressive amount of weight since the last time I saw her. I take such pleasure in watching people really let themselves go. I also take pleasure in pretending that I've forgotten my card. I hope she enjoyed paying for me to get drunk off of really expensive wine.
In work-related news, I think I need to rearrange my office. I'm going to come around tomorrow to pick the lucky guy person who gets to do this for me. Look busy. I'm picking on the lazy ones.
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| Locked to TJ |
[15 Apr 2010|01:28pm] |
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I'd like to see you in my office, Mr. Weston.
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[30 Jan 2010|03:39pm] |
All of this Valentine's Day talk makes me feel nauseous nostalgic. I haven't really celebrated the holiday in years. It makes me think back to when Richard Mr. Lewis my ex-husband attempted romance. That was before he started forgetting holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. It's hard to believe that such a time existed, really.
I'll probably be skipping out on the Valentine's Day party because it looks like everyone wants to wear costumes. Since I'm not eight-years-old physically or mentally, I would not enjoy such a party. Let me know if anything outrageously inappropriate happens so I can mock accordingly.
Oh, and I'm looking for a Benji replacement since he makes me want to rip my hair out. Hire some pretty new interns, HR. With a little less attitude, perhaps.
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[31 Dec 2009|12:49am] |
I didn't get enough booze for Christmas. I have a feeling that this was some sort of plan amongst my friends and relatives, who apparently just wish for me to be fat. They sent me loads of disgusting candy and they know that I don't have a sweet tooth.
Idiots.
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| Anonymous Post - Question Number One |
[09 Dec 2009|01:44pm] |
In the spirit of helping HR Ahahaha, I have once again decided to start providing employees with the opportunity to speak openly and honestly about their coworkers. This will help management sort out problems in the workplace. Here is your first question. All comments will be anonymous, so your identity will be protected.
Imagine that you've been given the power to fire people in this office without consequence. Who would you fire and why? You may list multiple people.
I'm sure a lot of you would fire me. You can answer with that. I won't be offended.
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[06 Dec 2009|11:11pm] |
It's time for me to update this thing, and I have absolutely nothing to say. I'm going to disagree with Sophie's post about Natalie. I miss when she used to complain to Human Resources about the collective executives. Nothing has really been quite so melodramatic since. There was someone with little to no ambition. It's really fun to watch someone slip into a bad place in their life, isn't it? If you like that sort of thing, and I certainly do.
I'm going to be determining who is worthy of their holiday bonuses this week. Look alert and work hard. I have found in the past that the holiday seasons tends to create this overall lull in the workplace. People seem to forget what they're paid to do. Yes, Spent, the decorations are up and it's cold outside, but that doesn't mean that you don't have to do your jobs.
That's enough for tonight. I'll see everyone when I feel like coming in bright and early tomorrow morning.
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[24 Oct 2009|04:26pm] |
My neighbors have their irritating grandchildren over and it's giving me a massive headache. I hate children. They're like animals. And really, I don't want to hear them all day. It's bad enough that they glare at me every time I have male visitors. Now they won't force their stupid grandchildren to keep their voices down.
They're extremely religious people, too, which bothers me. I think they see me as threateningly immoral. At least they have a cross hanging just inside their front door. They will protect them from my sin.
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[28 Sep 2009|04:23pm] |
It smells weird in the executive hallway, which I have been forced to walk through several times today on my way to pester Richard. If our janitor hadn't moved on to bigger and better things (presumably), I would have someone to blame, but instead, I'm generally in a terrible mood. Which means that you should not bother me with pointless things today, people. Not that anyone ever does.
If we're outsourcing our cleaning these days, we'll need someone to come in at once. Mr. Healy? I'm looking at you. I don't know where that smell is coming from, but I'd start with the floors and work up. I cannot be productive in this environment. Ahaha. Productive.
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[21 Aug 2009|04:51pm] |
I'm in desperate need of coffee before the day is over, but I'm too lazy important to get it myself and I'm afraid to ask someone else. You see, the last time someone brought me coffee, that someone spilled it all over me. That was after I pinned him against my office door, but still. My clothes are too expensive for coffee stains.
Where have all of the competent interns and assistants gone? Have we hired anyone recently? Most of them quit before they get very far, obviously. I suppose Spent is too much to handle for some young people. Parents these days are obviously raising their children to give up when things get tough. None of them will ever make it in the business world.
This reminds me. I think I'm going to do another anonymous employee-to-employee constructive criticism post soon. I always find those so entertaining useful. It's a good idea to get all of or problems with each other out in the open so we can deal with them like adults.
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[25 Jul 2009|09:50am] |
You may have noticed that I don't post in here as much as I used to. I'm still disappointed by the lack of younger men in the office. Russ used to be a source of entertainment, but now he has a girlfriend and he's growing some big boy parts, and he was more fun when he was a wide-eyed little doormat.
I woke up with a headache this morning and I've been popping various pills to deal with it, but it's not going away. It's depressing, so I made both spa and hair appointments and did some online shopping to make myself feel better. I thought about eating ice cream in the morning too, but came to the rightful conclusion that it's too disgusting.
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[04 Jun 2009|10:49am] |
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I stole someone's lunch from the fridge because a sticky was left on it that said "DO NOT TAKE THIS!". Word of advice, people? Those notes do nothing but encourage.
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[08 May 2009|11:23am] |
I'm annoyed that Dylan has taken over my job of posting 'office development' exercises. Not really, I find it hilarious.
Don't you people miss those? Anonymous criticism is the best kind. Plus, you cannot be charged for sexual harassment when no one knows who is behind the comment. Some of you took full advantage of that.
I woke up in a good mood today. Beware. That reminds me. Russ? I need to see you in my office.
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[10 Apr 2009|11:13pm] |
I'm so, so drunk. And angry. Fuck you, Thursday night therapy.
It's time for me to update, but you all bore the shit out of me so it's difficult. Speaking of boring, the college boy I brought home tonight was completely underwhelming. I think I fell asleep halfway through our 'visit'. He's one of those jackasses that are really proud of themselves, too. You know what I mean? They know they're good looking, so they just sit there and smirk like an idiot instead of participating. That's really impressive. You obviously know just how to please a woman, you fucking twit.
I threw him into the hallway when he was still in his underwear. Which, by the way, were briefs with some sort of golf pattern on them. I like my men young, but not infant. It was a major turn off. Ahaha. This is cheering me up. You know what else was a major turn off? He had a tiny penis. I don't just mean average. I can handle average. It was tiny. Don't worry, people. I made sure to tell him so. His arrogance was distracting me from making him my sex toy. Like a vibrator that annoys you.
Well, I think I've effectively shared way too much information with the office. I guess I did have something to update about after all.
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| Locked to Dylan |
[13 Mar 2009|04:01am] |
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You're getting an evaluation tomorrow. Be prepared.
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[09 Mar 2009|04:21pm] |
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I think I'll do another round of evaluations soon, Spent. You've been warned.
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[23 Feb 2009|08:05pm] |
Some Mexican construction worker came onto me today when I was out getting my lunch. I'm still offended that he thought he had a chance. He was about a foot shorter than me, too. Annoying.
You know what else is annoying? When my male 'friends' get girlfriends and fail to mention this until I come onto them like an idiot. Jesus Christ, people. What's worse? The girlfriends are just pathetic replacements for me. Always. Not that I care, because I don't, but it just bugs me. Oh, and I HATE THERAPY. I'm now drinking more often than I was before. Good fucking job, shrink. I can't believe they call themselves doctors. It's such a laugh.
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[04 Feb 2009|11:56am] |
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All of the self-righteous people have left the office, and I feel as though a part of me has died. Everything is going to be so boring around here now.
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